Guacamole and Emoji Dolphins

(via)

Right now in my English Literature class we are reading Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.  I've loved the discussion and thinking that class has allowed, and todays lecture was no different. I get caught up a lot in who I am versus who I think I should be. My image, my online image, my school work, my future work, my personality, how I interact with others, etcetera etcetera and it's interesting how I can be brimming with ideas or goals one minute and completely helpless the next. Learning how we as a society have progressed over time with our how we view the soul and inherent goodness and whatever else is so interesting. And hopeful. We will always struggle with the two sides of anything and everything, that's nothing new. But the potential power of control is very comforting. These are things I thought I already knew, but to have it laid out a little more clearly through the lens of Dr. Jekyll (or is it Mr. Hyde?) today helped me to understand. I came across this quote from Emile Hirsch a while back and thought it was fitting of this discussion and of me, "I think I've always been half out of my shell and half in. Sometimes I can be extremely wild and sometimes I can be extremely shy. It just depends on the day." Allowing those days of in and out and up and down is so vital, and a total "duh" moment. Alas, that is my Tuesday thought for you all!

On a completely unrelated note, Provo is covered in fog right now and I love it. I've also learned that guacamole is my favorite food (topping? dip? spread?) ever. Always extra please and thank you. 

What else? The other night Coby and I watched The Motivation, it's on Netflix if you want to see. It's about the top eight skateboarders in the world and their preparation for, and participation in, the Street League Championship in New York. They are incredible. People are incredible. I love my vans and skinny jeans like the next girl, but I am no means a sk8r chick and am only now wishing I were one. Coby and I watched the movie the night after he got home from a weekend in Vegas. Now we have spent our fair share of time apart (family trips, holidays, etcetera), but ever since Coby got an internship in New York for the summer (yeehaw! yay! hallelujah! go get 'em!) any time apart feels so dramatic. Well, I am so dramatic. I think he was gone for one, maybe two, days and I went into panic mode. With just the little things, like how many episodes of Newroom will he watch without me? And who will make me cookies and smoothies when he's gone because he's more domestic than I am? And who will hold my head and play with my hair while telling me that everything will work out like every other day? And who will text me reply emoji dolphins at night? Because I know with the time difference they'd come in the middle of the day and I am going to be needing them at night sooo... Drama. I was deeply missing him and it's a little discouraging knowing how distraught I was for literally no time at all when he will be across the country for the majority of the summer. In actuality I quite like being alone. I mean I love it. I need it. And I am more than excited for him. I just need to breathe a little bit. And remember that there are people out there that have to endure so much more for so much longer.

And to end all of this mushy mumble jumble, coolness in a video.

On Design

In an effort to feel better about design, I've been reading about it.

In an odd way, I find this so very encouraging.

"As children, most graphic designers don't know that they want to be designers. They start out by making things. They are uninhibited and uncritical. They draw from the heart. They draw the things they love: horses, toy soldiers - or conjure up comic book characters or create paper dolls with complete wardrobes. They doodle in their school notebooks. They make up stories with their drawing, and some of them are intensely personal. Later, when they are in high school, they become known for being "good at art". They draw portraits of their classmates or caricatures of their teachers. They make posters for the school prom of the student-council elections or the football rallies. They have found their position in life. They go to college and become graphic designers. They retain their passion for making things and still cherish the notion that they are "good at art". But then they graduate, go to work as designers, and begin to find themselves far away from the doodles and craft of their childhood. They become strategists, branding experts. They attend meetings. They become planners. They "execute" design. They stop making things, and they never totally understand how that happened."  Paula Scher.

Also this makes me happy.

from her via here

Glare In Your Eyes

when you feel like this:

listen to this:     

Wheewww.

whew. whatta day. whatta day.  started off in a funk.  then got worse.  only i was sorta prepared.  and things are piecing together.  and i'm wondering if there was a reason i've been so down in the depths lately, i feel like it was necessary for me to feel as crappy as i have been the last little while so i could empathize.  it's weird.  and it's like i am the way i am (body wise) to protect myself from this specific reason.  anyway.  i played in todays game, woot woot.  and funny thing was i didn't know if i would be able to handle it with everything going on.  and i rocked at serve receive and sucked at defense because my head was all messed up and i couldn't think from previous mentioned reasons.  because usually its the complete opposite: i suck in serve receive because i'm overanalyzing everything, and rock at defense because i can read the ball, blockers, and hitters so well.  sorry this is all super vague.  but it's personal.  it's not all about me, and my trials are nothing compared to anyone else's. "and if though shall endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high" D&C 121:7.  I'm just going to stop being selfish and depressed about myself, for I have to be strong for others who are truly enduring a trial.  not to discount any smaller trials, just to put them into perspective :)

endurance.

i know i'm better suited for endurance.

in running

in relationships

in my own emo-ness

in life.

"able, to bear it, able, to bear it bear it!"

sYOUtycd?!

Kathryn Kathryn Russell Ashleigh Kathryn Kathryn Kathryn!!!

Did you just watch it?  Well did you?!  I am in LOVE with Kathryn.  And who didn't melt inside last episode when Ryan told everyone to vote for his wife Ashleigh (she not performing because of arm injury) instead of him?  Because I certainly did.  I love Ashleigh- expect all the makeup she wears over her eyes.  She literally has little squinters due entirely to the large amounts of makeup on them.  And I've always loved Kathryn, but tonight solidified my devotion to her.  I flipping LOVE her.  The lyrical with Jakob?  And then to kill it in hip hop with Russell?  Pure amazingness.  I do have to say I miss Mollee and Legacy, but like Nigel says, Russell points his toes!  Did I mention I love Russell?  Well I do.  My pick for the finals would have to be Kathryn and Russell, all the way!

The story of SYTYCD and Natalie,
I've loved so you think you can dance since watching it with Breck while she was up at BYU.  She had tivo, and we watched the dance 'fuego' by pitbull over and over and over again.  Reed, Kelsey and I even used to do the puppet dolls and booty shakes with each other from it when fuego came on at dance parties.  (When I say booty shakes, I mean Kels would shake her booty while I did the guy part/motions around it).  When this last summer season came on, I would watch it every night with Tanner, Nate and Aubry, and Ashley Valerio was even MVT alum!  (Stupid Kupono dragged her down)  And this season, though I haven't been faithful at all,  catching glimpses of it here there is worth every second.  Who can get over the beautiful Cat Deely and all of her amazing dresses, hair styles, shoes, and those fab legs?  And even though the 'jidges' can get annoying- Mary (though it's toned down a bit and I love it now), talk to much- Adam, or be super creepy-Nigel (Jeanine body obsession?), you gotta love 'em.  Did I mention my cousin Brynlee is an amazing dancer?  Captain of the BYU Cougarettes?  My grandma never fails to remember, it's the first thing that flys out of her mouth to everyone she meets.  Well anyway, I can't wait for the day Brynlee trys out.  She truly is better than most the dancers on the show, no joke.  Please note I have no dancing ability at all, and no right to critique or judge any one of these dancers, but nevertheless...  I'm in love.
And that is the story of Natalie and SYTYCD.

P.S. Guess who sprained her ankle, again, today?  Me.  Whenever I get back into running, or in a good place where I can commit to my goals, without fail, I sprain it, without fail.  This is my left ankles, what 4th time?  And i've sprained my right 5?  Wow.  Feaking Wow.  Dang you bleachers.  HATTEEEE ITTTT. Why me? After I ran eight miles yesterday, why'd you go and fail me?  Why'd you punish my good intentions for evil idleness and RICE.  Screw RICE, I need to run!